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HUMMING BIRD JOURNAL ENTRIES © <MAHA bottom of Blog> {check weekly for updates} (Please forgive any mistypes. I update the page sometimes daily, if not just to make sure the language is lucid enough to use for my book.)

HUMMINGBIRD JOURNAL'S:

Wrong for all the right reasons. My temperment doesnt come from fear. Its not that I am afraid of you its because Im afraid for you. -M

People don't remember who you are. They remember what you do.
-Maha

A work of art is a unique result of a unique temperment. -Oscar Wilde.

You're future depends on a women. Don't you know that? Do you care about your future? Then take care of your women.-M

He touched my hair uninvited. Then he pulled my hair and I pretended to smile. And when he grabbed me like a dog. I bit his nose. Dogs have a sensitive nose. Id know, I helped train lions.
Remember kitties. Wait wait then Attack! Don't ever say aunty Maha never taught you anything now. :-)

Incandescent skin.

Olive oil caresses my insides. The places inside of me that people cannot touch. The place where my soul can only be kissed by my olive trees that lush gracefully in the spiritual lands of Jerusalem. The children of incandescent skin. With the only eyes that can kiss the soul. You are the true avatar of the futures my loves. -M

I was recently in a car accident. In a concussion as black as the matter on this screen where I write my journal entries. My breath sounded like one beat at a time. As vocalized tears. I wished in that abyss of wishs. In that lost and found. That I finally was set free. I heard the sounds of people running slowly rushing to me. To ask me are you okay? To which I replied: No I am not. And If my eyes are open I can not see you. -M

Cogent and Visceral.

There has always been a certain impropriety manner to all Gemini's that I have met. And it wasnt due to originality. but rather a deep need for attention. But beautiful things do not seek or ask for attention. True beauty is honest and does not need for attention nor care for it's presense. -M

He said: God no! I know every moment with you are moments stolen from heaven. It was then I felt I fell. He's been my mystery and I his ever since.
My mothers aunt once told me. Love comes in mysterious ways, desires are almost never invited and feelings always unexpected. Then she said: you don't know what's in a persons heart. Your not setting in it.

This woman that helped raise my niece. While cutting carrots made my jaw drop when she casually spoke her blunt yet humble words of wisdom. I said but he's the biggest liar I have ever known. And you know what you say about liars. There truly the worst people any human being can deal with. But I guess I had the tolerance in me somehow to be put in his path. His redemption I guess. It was as though what he said that once, moved me forever. It was the way he said it. His eyes looked novel like when he uttered the words he didnt know what he was saying. -M

 

Privacy is a commodity that even a price tag will not afford you. -M

Beautiful things that are truly beautiful don't ask for attention baby.
Me and my snow leopard legs hide 99percent of the time. I feel like I have half a leg in the east and half in the west... He calls me ghost cat. I guess cause snow leopards are the hardest cats to be seen. If you see them it might be only a dream within a dream.
-Snow leopard legs.

A man died in my arms.
Refusing to stay where he was headed.
He had not time to say.
I asked his forgivieness for us that remained
but the peace in his eyes, sang he was unchained.
I whispered "I am sorry my friend I did my best."
Another day at work failed the test.
Just ants fighting against the currents
Fighting against the plains
So long laid down, contending with God against deaths silent crown...
For whatevers left to reach the green light on the dock.
We race through our days fighting that clock. Tick talk as we walk to the end.
To realise that once when we were living we were dying.
Till all is revealed and we passed the test
Tell the plans made clear.
We wake light.
Throw down fear.
No longer will we be sects

Who am I? Amorphous. Today I am human and I think I am apart of God. Apart of me knows God, yet apart of me doesn't. Maybe apart of the truth is always changing is why. That unknown future. That seem's eternally nascent.

The atheist tried to convince Jerry that God does not exist, and that people should not waste their time worshiping Him. "But you can't stop people from worshiping God," Jerry replied. "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him." The unscrupulous mayor was such a convenient scapegoat for the city's problems that if she had not existed, it would have been necessary to invent her. -Voltiare.

You had three lives but now you have four. One for yourself. One of Music. One of your silence. And one for all the places you never knew existed. -Maha

Hope is always possible.

You insult me, if you do not trust me. So please try to respect me. I need you too. For what am I? If I do not selflessly give all my years of Love, wisdom, and insight to you. If you cannot understand I just like you, desire to show you need me. Like I do you. -M

I just came back from visiting my niece whom I love dearly, she adores me for some reason. Even though she has her moments that I don't quite understand. I taught her to ask questions the last time Ive seen her. I said: Always think and ask questions. Its the best thing you can do. Anyways after the stressful trip of my butterfly of a sister's wedding. I have lost my voice. I was supposed to be able to record my three new demo's... It's odd how everytime I visit my niece I end up getting sick. Children are adorable virus balls sometimes, arent they? Not to mention cooler then adults are. They to me poetically translate to inexorable. -M

Ten years ago when I was asked in an application who was my true hero. I was shocked that I never knew I had one. Moments passed and I realized I that was because I always knew it was me. I remember even writing it in bold on my myspace page and we all know how old that sociall media site is. I said Im my Hero. I have old friends that I no longer see anymore copy the same words, ideas and ideals that slip my lips. Nothings flatters me more. But when ever I speak or would ask. To respond they all act unaware, arrogant, unsure. There afraid to admit the truth. Yet if only they knew how much more I could of taught them, if only they had the courage to admit they adored another. I would of loved them more. From my first body to 'Varta' lady of the stars.
To the busy bee from lifes flower. -M

Secrets are doubts unproven and beauty carries them fearfully. Astarte started it all. -M

Beauty such a poisonous thing. Doesn't mean you'll hate me less you'll hate me more, love me more all the same but you'll enjoy emulating me, hating me and you will hate loving me. For something beauty possesses that you feel you do not have. Even though you do, I have never taken it from you. You give it to me when you look into my face my eyes and you take it away when you refuse to see your own. -M

If you want to be loved, then love me. If you want to love then love me. If you want to be alive then live through me. -M

Listen to me! Everyone has 'one' chance. Just one! And you better know this before it happens to you because when it comes your way you better choose what you want to do with it or you would have let your chance pass you by. -Maha

I said just like she was a ghost, a shadow of a herion. An Artemis moon Goddess of the times. I resemble her in the shades of her colours. From her worst to her best. And so this is how I reflect you and wear you in my eyes like mirrors. I am your Hero as you are mine. -M

Marry your needs he said, then you will have what you want. I knew he was right. But there is a war alive within me you see?. And I hated him as much as he made me hate me. I hated him, but never as much as I hated myself. Heaven is a person, a place, could be a scent. Innocous passions and pleasures, the colours of the rainbow within the graces of hope and hoplessness. Marry your needs he said. I felt something unauthentic about a life lived that way. But no one deserves to be alone or lonely when they fall.

Heaven could be a child, a smile, a vision, a dream. A word held in place. Heaven is a blanket, a home. I want to taste it for once. I want to feel it. See what it means. Is it possible that I've banned my self? Been afraid to save myself from the heaven within me? So much that pleasure's woo me as I am frightened so it seems for loosing that which I do not even have.

Just remember when I love you, I loved you for you dark and light places. Because I looked darkness in the eyes of you saw you in it. I saw myself in it. And I saw you saving me from it as well. -M

Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous. I want to be a writer who reminds others that these moments exist:

-Anais Nin

I am a writer of fantastic pages, an artist of magical paints, but I do not know how to live them. -M

The heart hopes. And it hopes the most where it tends to be hopeless. -M

Having character is always better than being a character. -Quenten Shaw

The reason why I love science fiction because its based on possibilities. -M

Here is a little story, once upon a time there was a little girl. She kept writing down her wishes and ambitions secret in a little box. One day a man cracked open her secret box and said: I can make all your wishes come true little girl. Let me introduce you to the world of politics. -M

There are two types of people in this world. The Human and The Artist. Artists are fasinated by the human reality. And the human is fasinated by the Artists experience. The human is only human. The artist is both. -M

Don't you know what we've been doing was impossible. One thought before another. I feel so pure. Love, play Amore. -M

People want to know what they don't.

People that make the first move are far more interesting, stronger and more in every way then the ones that wait for the first move to happen to them. Have you ever asked someone may I kiss you? for instance. What are you afraid of my love? Has life spoiled you so much that your afraid of rejection? That your afraid of living? Remember to love my love, love is strong. Nothing will happen to you if your not prepared to hurt. You are a Titan. I know it. -M

Doesn't anyone know that the author of hunger games imagined a waif-y black haired olive skin girl as the Archress Katness Evrdeen. And hollywood got an all american healthy looking white girl to play a poor peasant? Seriously! STICK TO THE ORIGIN!! THE ARTIST'S TRUE VISION! PLEASE! You would sell more tickets if you stuck to the truth! The truth is far more fasinating and interesting, then your desire to sell tickets.

I'll cry a snowflake for you my love. While I walk in the sun moon and fly between light and night. Who else can do that for you?

Ive always found it fasinating how people whom dont have what they want can imagine having it. Yet the one's who have cant imagine being without. And so the story goes people still want what they can't have. And the bigger the lie the more honest it is.

What angered you the most; Not being loved back by the person you loved most or not being the person you loved the most?

It seem's this worlds made out of sociopaths and Im made out of spare parts. Maybe we were all put here for traininig, to inquire instead of assume an indifferent disconnection from others... And I was his favorite pet and I asked he sent me here on a mission!... There were not enough human bodies. So God found a bunch of left overs from aliens, angels and a mortal human woman, and he figured out away to make me up because he really didnt want to say no to me. He couldn't.

I'm a product of two fairies kissing. Pixy dust residue. A by-product of magic dreams, spare parts and bones :-)

Every body wants to know where were from? ... You tell them your a human being, just like them. Is there anymore reason why you shouldnt care about me or I shouldnt care about you then?.

Everywhere I was I wanted to be somewhere else. I dont remember ever being content. Like I was looking at everything I wanted from a window. Like I can only see it and never be it. -M

Once I was walking with a guy he was an athiest. So I was like look! (pointing at the crescent moon) its God thumb nail. Me and him have the same thumbs see! He said what? thats like implying God is a freak and has bad thumbs implying me and Megan foxs thumbs are deformed... Besides me wanting to slap the coldness out of his ugly personality and old face. I remember replying: If there is anything God is. He's an amazing and beautiful freak. Never realising how true that was until now. The truth comes to you in mysterious ways.

Internal consistency.

Be true to your word. Otherwise how can I believe anything you say?

If you dont care, your not aware. _Maha


"Artificial Intelligence will never match the efficiency of Natural Stupidity"-Unknown

Oh black arts
Don't dare your darkness on me.
Cause every time I painted the sunset
I was painting you.
Remember that time I danced?
You did too. -Maha

People go on working there entire lives for love. Never realizing its really what there actually working for. -M

Dreams are for rookies but if its too good to be true. Its not! -M

All I know is if you say no to me or in other words, then your not worth my time. And you burned a bridge you can't build. -M

I am grateful for love, I am grateful for a warm room, I am grateful for food, I am grateful for me. -M

As a business woman people consider me a bitch. I tell them when I work with men you don't listen otherwise. Then when I find my temper. Men tell me not to loose my temper. Even though I don't really loose it, I find it.
It's quite unattractive though if a man is what I call like a bitch without bitching because he refuses to see what a simple minded unheeding fool he is. The thing is I am a female. I am an emotional being by nature. I have every right to have a sensitive sensibility. If Im finding my temperment with you. I'd say 99 percent of the time its your insensitivity that has caused me to get to that point. -M

The world of Gatsby... I want Gatsby to be a 'truly great man not great because of his rags to riches but for Gatsby to truly be a great man. That genuinely fell in love with someone and something he had instead of someone and something he didn't. I suppose he reminds me of a quote. That true greatness comes in the humblest of places. Daisy may not had made him into a great man. but thats because I don't think Gatsy was great at all but in his own delusions of grandeur, I think he was an ugly, dishonest and decietful coward behind an eternal mask and when I say ugly I never mean physical, Ive never seen an ugly person in my entire life... He was as dumb, as useless and as selfish as Daisy and that is what he chose to be in love with. The epitome of his female form. Do you think he genuinely cared about others? but himself? Think about what he did in his life he saved a mans life because he could have. Anyways would have done that. No! No he did not care about anyone. Not even Daisy. And people want to hate Daisy for being an idiot? Why? He was the vacouse man chasing after riches and another mans wife because of his vacuity. Daisy might have been a retarded dumb cunt, just like him. But he was a disingenouse person! That I would have taken the pleasure of throwing an arrow into his chest with my Archer.

OH men what strange and wonderful fits, one sole thing, that gives me life and deprives me of wits. -Inspired by Gaspara Stampa an Italian poet.

Verry Merry Christmas bitches! La Dolce Vita! -Maha

Im afraid of not knowing the truth. Im not afraid. Im not afraid, Im not afraid! I am not afraid.
-Maha

Don't you hate it when parents say after having children there less focused on themselves!? What!? Really? That you realize life is not about you anymore? You made those babies!! Your the reason they exist! Your basically loving your mini me. So yes you are focused on yourself. -Maha

New york is a playground for the rich. And no on can afford to be an artist inless there rich. Even though I love you, I need you to drink so I can love you more.
Your a mess because you don't really read except what you have too. And just because you wear glasses doesnt mean you read. All the girls I knew that wore glasses didn't read but they had a problem with imagination. London here I come. My everest.

I confess, I confess, I've taken books from people and Ive stolen an ugly ring from a jewelry store with my friends alone time ago. I don't consider it thieft. I considered it a controlled experiment. And its my duty to give uncared for books a mindful home. Do you know how heart broken I was when they closed Borders down?!! -Maha

If there is anything I can teach you, It would be to tell you. People know when your lying my love. So dont!-Maha

Favorite books are The prohet -Khalil Gibran, Leave's of grass *(I put leafs of grass before lol) by -Walt Whitman, Silmarillion -J.R.R Tolkien, Sentinel -Authur C. Clarke. Enders Game -Orson Scott Card. Anthem -Ayn Rand . The Invitation -Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Anais Nin

I am a survivor. I have trouble letting go. I'm a girl with a dragon, don't fight me because you dont want to see my ugly side. I love to create art, write and create sounds that I turn into music, but in my silence my world is magical still even more magical at times. And then when I hear the sound of irksom television disturbing the echoes of my peaceful state. I breathe and I remember I am a studied actress and that sometimes its okay to feel useless and not know what to do. That it's okay to dream and not wake That its okay to no deal with the ugly of reality that is not really life. but I have been hopeful that something different will happen I suppose. Because I don't want my dreaming to end, but I dont want to dream anymore either, I want much more . All I have to do is wait. Thats all Ive been doing anyways. That... and a whole lot of work/ a whole lot of waiting.

Dec, 17, 2013 11:11pm

The day I think I met God: Order is God (a homeless man pointed into the sand) before he invited his friend Michael to eat his bag of chips with him. As I observed this great vagobond infront of a sea where many seal's danced behind him like dolphines, I knew I was awake that day on the Santa Cruz beach. 'Order' (he said). When the shoreline danced behind his presence.

Goodness!!? How come I never seem to remember what I want to the most? Why is this?. Remembering isn't the point. Its finding out.

When I first moved to Los angeles. I died in my sleep . I died that night in that hot stagnant storage room on my floor mattress were I lived in a mop closet of a barbershop. The showers I was able to take in the bathroom were my only sanctuary. Before I came back to life at some point I saw earth from above, then I was shot down into my body like a bullet. When I caught my breath back, I remember feeling like I knew I had to do something. Thats all I rememeber. I remember having a choice somehow. I don't remember what! What was it that I had to do or what choice I had to make. But I knew I was given some kind of a message or a task or maybe a life purpose. If only I can think back to what it is!! -MAHA

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I realise it takes an imagination to understand anything I might personally or intimately say to you. It might come off as none sense or some crazy paradox to you. But maybe that is because you are intelligent and understanding instead of assimilating. Try to fathom the unfathomable. -Maha

Certainty of uncertainty. Possibilities of impossibilities... -Maha

Why is it right after I make paintings for people, my relationship with that person starts to deminish in respect and value? I made a painting for a person I thought was a friend. I think he thought I was paying him to not to be my friend? It was a beautiuful landscape with a rainbow coming out behind the blackrock.

I first became suspicious when I was being told what to think in school instead of being taught how to think on my own. Apart of the reason why I was intelligent in school but an unconditional misfit. I was shirt number 17 P.E class.

A Thanksgiving video I made: Wish I prepared something but I was just speaking from the top of my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ7fvDGAbwk

Argon colorless odorless substance. If I was a chemical. I think I would be Argon.

When you love someone do you care to realise them? To forget there words? To try to take all the celebrity, all the beauty, all the friends, strip there cloths down, remove there skin like the cloths you remove so that someone can truely witness you with there eyes. Go deeper till there is nothing left but there spirit or soul. Are you loved for who you are? or do you love for what you have? We all need to be loved for who we are my love. Even rejected for what we have so that we might know what true love is. And I feel a sadness for the beautiful, for the celebrity, the rich and the wealthy because they will never have so little to realise what peace is not what the truth is ... The truth is, I don't deserve it, I dont deserve anything. But you deserve all you can get. Maybe because you will never really have or know except of the distraction of love. When you have less it is because you are more my love. -Maha

People that have so much are the ones that needed so much. Ask them why do they need so much? -Maha

Men create there Gods in there own image. -Xenophanes.
It isnt right to judge strength as better than good wisdom. -Xenophanes
If horses can draw, horses would draw there Gods as horses. Xenophanes

I think people love me but they don't really like me, maybe because we dont share much rapport maybe because my head is to often in the clouds. Wishing I was somewhere else. Yet none the less I love you back and I loved you before. -M

This is my favorite youtube video right now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM#t=113

I am your only lover, the only love whom you will never meet. You want to know why? Because I am the only one you can have who will create something with you, for you. -Maha

I dispise men who hate women. -Maha

There are three things you can't hide, the sun, the moon and the truth. -Siddhartha

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him.” – A.E. Wiggin.

----

LARGER THEN LIFE

Have you seen me in the ocean?
I am small, fragile in the vast I carrie apart larger then life, I lead.
Yet they have given me an aggressive name, but you can hold me naked in your bare hands, or you can wash me away in the sands or cut me like a diamond in your hands.
I am a sea dragon and the rhythm flows through me, I am a winged dragon and this life flows through me.
I am a mother of all life and this rhythem flows through me.
As I andulate through the waters that washes face and time perpetually, ceaselessly covering,
but never erasing the past.
I am the oldest spirit that has ever lived, before time. When mana and maya were larger then life.

The oceans to the seas, the horse latitudes that give dancing to rivers flowing and betulaceous tree's. This rhythm runs through me.

And human as I see you I AM,
I promise to let you walk into me,
this heart that beats like a drum, this dance
that ticks and tocks before I be gone. -Maha

---

Dear Mary Mother of Sorrows,

Let the ultimate possiblities in my life on earth happen to me. My heart is worth it. "And let me be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -Robert A. Heinlein. Let me know the truth and have the courage to seek and tell it, tell the ultimate stories, sing the ultimate songs, dance the ultimate dances and let me my works and I be true...Write greater sounds then my favorite musical piece Arpeggio of strings if possible. Open an orphanage where I will give shelter and love to heavenly sounds of children laughing, learning and playing in a place they can call there home. The cotton playgrounds await and beckon to me. Daring to ask me how much good can I do in this world? Angels can only know when they see what goodness may come. It's good to say they are observent ones. For angel only means messenger and we all have one message within our bottle. At times the message lights up in our eyes through our fragile skin veil when you connect with me and say without words. At once we are one. -M

It's a mis-deed to try and change the world especially before daring to change yourself. If only we dared to see things as they are. -M

I don't have problems with obsession. I prefer an obessesed man over one who is not. I guess its because I believe there is nothing wrong with obsession inless you do wrong with it...-M

Sometimes I think the wisest thing to say is I don't know... I dont want to be wise though, I want to live evr free and always in the motions of love. But I feel there are things I see they do things to me that I cannot explain. -M

 

"something started in my soul,
fever or forgotten wings,
and I made my own way,
deciphering
that fire
and wrote the first faint line,
faint without substance, pure
nonsense,
pure wisdom,
of someone who knows nothing,
and suddenly I saw
the heavens
unfastened
and open". From "Poetry", Memorial de Isla Negra (1964). (July 12, 1904 - September 23, 1973).Pablo Neruda

---

Is it true that serving others is the most selfish thing you can do? I thought to myself. Then in my minds eyes my lover replied: Yes Yes it is true. For nothing has helped you more then the service of you -m.

You dont pay back, you pay forward. -Robert A. Heinlein

Everybody has an ego. And yours is not more important then there's.

The Correct Moral Conduct of A True Artist;

1) An Artist is Interdependent, Independent and Dependable.

2) An Artist has common sense and a loving sensibility.

3) An Artist can not control his / her life.

4) An Artist can control his /her work.

5) An Artist has more of less.

6) An Artist is Sensual.

7) An Artist is honest.

8) An Artist is a responsible to themselves.

9) An Artist needs solitude for long periods of time.

10) An Artist is sensitive to others as well as themselves.

Ive always believed in such humble artist, these beautiful creatures that rarely pass you like delicate, exotic, one of kind rare birds. When you tell them they the most talented that probably walk amoungst us. They become bashful when told they are Artists they flutter with joy inside there spirit. And well lets just say they believe within there souls that they are not the inventors of art but rather art in and of itself. Bless them, all those whom walk amongst us in natural virtue.

Its the ways you do things, not what you do, that makes everything you. -M

---

He who seeks truth shall find beauty
He who seeks beauty shall find vanity

He who seeks order shall find gratification
He who seeks gratification shall be disappointed

He who considers himself a servant of his fellow beings shall find the joy of self expression
He who seeks self expression shall fall into the pit of arrogance

Arrogance is incompatible with nature
Through nature the nature of the universe and the nature of man we shall seek truth
If we seek truth we shall find beauty
-Moshe Safdie

--

Sometimes I hate you, only so I can love you twice as much. -M

I'll do it for you, I'll make that mistake for you, baby blue. -M

Invariably, you go forward baby and don't worry about not leaving a mark you are an indelible species my love. -M

Very few times has there been a popular voice of truth through the nomenclature. But don't let what you see devise you from the possibilities of hope. And when you feel hopeless and start to loose faith in the world, look at how far we have come!? From the lands before time to the paleolithic, neolithic and antediluvian. Yet still do not let the ways of the this world judge you. We've come long ways and we will go even further. There is no doubt! For there is no such thing as going backwards in time. Even youre last breathe is history my love. -M

---

Evr I long to surpass the spaces between our kiss. Like Justice and Avarice this space does not fit, as I have waited four billion two thousand and thirteen years for your kiss. ( Mother earth said to spirit.) -M

---

Come! you are great expectations. Heaven is an unfolded nation. So give us a place so we can be they said... To which he replied: "You are an adobe of the empyrean the nascent elysium, can you imagine?." Spirit: This idea that came to life out of the behemoth and apocryphal from the archiac through you and me... -M

---

Question asked by MARCUS:

HAS ANYONE TOLD YOU, YOU LOOK LIKE LADY GAGA? YOU BOTH HAVE A DISTINCTIVE NOSE.

Ive heard her and Cher before she fixed it. I don't mind looking like the dark version of gaga, we are like minded in some ways. Even though when I was younger it made me inquire why people would say I looked like anyone? I do mind Stephanie though. I'd be her twin best friend, . She thinks she has best friends but I know she doesnt... Its hard for artist when there idolized and so far up. No one dares to be honest to them. And there labels are not there friends.

Questions asked by MICHEAL:
WHO ARE YOU? I am ... The oldest living breeding species that has ever lived. And you think im joking too... :-)

WHAT DO YOU WANT IN LIFE? I am resolute that is none of your business.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A SINGER? Jim Morrison said it best for me (copy paste this video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zFhGKlKPcI
(That means copy paste this ^). For challenged people! :-p

TELL US SOMETHING YOU THINK WE WOULDNT KNOW ABOUT YOU?

I smell like spring. I ride bikes. I have a nipple peircing. I was born on the day that translates to larger then life, March 8th ofcourse... :-p

 

Question asked by Micheal:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT POLITICS?

Monkey business and Obscurantism... We have people in jail for 20yrs over piracy stipulations, stealing celebrity photos or having marajuana grown from the earth on there properties.
Then we have people getting off rape charges on technicalities... Thats politics for you. Broils for riff raff full of ego and pride.

The important things in life have a pulse and breath. Lets not forget that. -M

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Question asked by Micheal:

DO YOU THINK GAY MARRIAGE SHOULD BE LEGAL?

I think if gay people choose to get married then they should be able to. How is it ok for peoples personal choices in life to be intervened with by an unequal man made law? And why is it anyone else's business who a person decides to make love to?

Whether some parts say being gay is a choice and some say its not. I think it doesnt matter because its none of anyones business!! We are all people here and we all have choices to make. And people should be able to choose what they need and what they want in life.

I dislike when people act like they deal the cards here. We don't deal the cards! You just play percentages and follow the vox populi then act like you have an opinion!? And I wish it was a decent opinoin that comes from the heard... Instead of the opinions given to you by a system of order designed to control your desires.

---

Question asked by Nicole:
HAVE YOU EVER LOVED A WOMAN?

Yes I have loved a woman. But I do not need to have sex with a woman in order to love a woman.

---

Question asked by Nick:

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?

I believe in Everything. Its probably bais to say athiest these days but I suppose I am a Neoplatonist Humanist Maybe Pantheist Pacifest who believes in Providence.
I don't believe in liturgy as it has been prevaded to us. I dont believe in cults of any kind probably because my mind questions everything and I encourage people not to glum onto religion or a sect of any kind. but rather the goodness of all the morality in the messages that all good has teached us.

God is God and people probably will not know what that is in this life time. So people must stop pretending they do know when they really don't! Because everyone is pushing there beliefs on others when the spirit is Amorphos and in us all. If there is anything our spirita have promised to us in this life it was to Love to Surrender to Resist to Forgive and Understand our Nemesis.

But I often wonder: I really do hope God does exist for the people that truly believe in him. I used to say when I was young. God better exist!.
Can you Imagine if people's whole life revolved around believing in something that didnt end up being true? For all those people that went to church religiously and gave there money to organizations instead of the struggling people around them. How terribly sad that would be. To have lived there lives under the illusion of lies.

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Question asked by James Lipton but not to me personally:
WHAT WOULD YOU WANT GOD TO TELL YOU AT THE PEARLY GATES?

Hold on-- (Frightened look in Gods eye's) I can explain everything!!! :-)

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Question asked by Micheal: So I hear you are a Tiger Trainer?!!!
Artist/Writer/Director/Producer/Songwriter/Actor/ Model/ Yoga instructor and one too many things and of them a Singer? Would you sing Karaoke?

NO! As an actress if my character did I would though. but then again there is very little if nothing I would not do to fit into a role, its apart of what Id call shapeshifting into the character. I'd shave my head and walk naked if that was the character. And so as I am in real life. I do whatever is necessary with an ardent responsibility. I live my life that way so why shouldnt I honour the role of a character in that same way.

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Questions asked by Vincent:
YOU USED TO WORK WITH EXOTIC ANIMALS. YOUR A TINY WOMAN. WERE YOU NOT NERVOUS WHEN YOU WORKED WITH BIG WILD CATS?

Firstly these animals where my friends.

It's not that I was nervous. It's just that I deeply cared for and loved these beautiful creatures and I tempered that respect with love and courage at moments maybe even my naive fearlessness helped. But its one of the worlds most dangerous jobs, any encounter with an exotic or wild animal shouldn't be taken lightly. Mostly I just remember a peacefulness like I had an affinity with animals I speak to them without words. I was one with them... -M

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Question asked by Micheal:

WHAT ARE YOU PROUDEST OF?

A March to Compassion I produced and sponsored. And saving another mans life from a 9 to 10 feet tall grizzly bear when I was an exotic animal trainer. The bears name is Dakoda and he lives in the mountains of California. You want to know my secret? It wasn't pepper spray. :)

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Questions asked by Micheal:

WHAT KIND OF FEMALE ARE YOU?

Mysterious wild and free spirited.

A girl with a chastity belt, a bow and a knife on her thigh, not to hurt you, but to remind you what it feels like whenever you might want to try to hurt me. I choose my humanity and I choose to choose.

I love like a child and "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul." All at once. That Quote is by-(Neftalí Ricardo Reyes Basoalto) He named his pen Paublo Neruda thats not the authors real name though. He liked to write in green coloured ink.

My sports are horse back riding. Archery and target shooting. Don't ask me why?. Since the first time I held a weapon and saw I was shooting targets on the first go without training I figured It was something I was meant to do... Be an assasine ofcourse!... :-p Just kidding... It's just an addictive sport, the thrill of being good at something. I think I would Murder Joseph Kony though. but then I would remember when my mother got excited to teach me something from her Quran: She said God taught us here that If you kill a soul it is as though you killed all of humanity and if you saved a soul it is as though you saved all of humanity.

Have you read the book "girl with the dragon tattoo?" You can say I'm like her, I'm like that personality character type but without the tattooe's and self mutilation.

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Question asked by Me:)

WHAT DO I THINK MY RESPONSIBILITES ARE?

My responsibility is to make you know and wonder about the possibilities you have... -M

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Question asked by Lazaro:

DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOO'S? No, I was born with a tattoo. A map on my legs to tell me where to go. It lights in the dark., wanna see?... :-p

I wanted to get two quotes from a poem on my rib cage under my breasts where you wouldnt be able to see it. Until a friend said: Would you put a bumber sticker on your baby? I said no! To which she replied...Then why put it on your body?

That girl changed my perspective about tattoo's forever. So I got a nipple peircing instead...Atleast I can remove that.

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I love babies, I love carrying them, playing with them, touching there tiny toes and fingers while I watch them as they breath better then any grown up does. Mother earth has away of wanting to hide certain things as it does crude oil, gems, crystals, diamonds, gold and silver. I didn't speak till I was 4, even then I was a cerebral who minded my own business a lonely misunderstood kid from highschool or what people would call an introverted child. I communicated visually. I was an animal whisperer since I was 17. Maybe a living Artemis :-) I trained tigers, lions, bears and people still want to try and doubt me. I coloured on my house walls since I was 6. Wanted to be an actor when I was 8. Then I wanted to be Micheal Jackson ofcourse!!!

When I grew up and went to college. I trained myself in what I wanted to do. so I trained in Acting. Minor in Theater arts and major in Liberal Arts, took all the acting courses I heard of that I can afford. Till this day I can't find an agent. Instead I got abunch of men trying to get into my pants. The Irony! My father doesn't even talk to me for believing I want to be a damsel. -M

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I believe in everything... -M

Let me tell you something. The truth is voiceless. -M

What will you remember of me?

Communication creates partnerships. I care to care, care to listen, care to learn. But atleast shut the hell up before you speak! -M

You have two eyes, two ears and one mouth so use them in that order. -M

When you invest in a girl you invest in a community. . When you invest in a boy he goes big toys .-Oprah

Some of them even go to the lengths of finding female versions of Barbie looking dolls to stay around them like sissy boys. Trophy wives they call them. Even though I think those types of men are simpletons for wanting such vacouse women. Just like those men loved those woman for there striking beauty or what they thought they looked like. They ended up finding the woman who loved them for what they had. We all need to be loved for who we are, not what we have to offer! You wont be able to tell the difference about a persons soul if someone was just interested in you initially because of your worldly stature. Lets not forget the power of intention, alot of pretty girls that say I want to have him will have him not because they deserved it but because they were welling to be with these married men. And there are such things as home wreckers but the ones that wreck homes are usually the ones that are too stupid to admit it to themselves.

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I caught a few white hairs in the front of my hair line! What?? It reminds me of when I was a kid I had this weird white or extremely blonde albino baby hairs that shined in the sun growing in a clock wise circle motion in the center of my forhead when I was a baby. I guess I grew out of it, I always wondered what on earth that was?

Time is often but not a great tool for allowing you to see people for who they really are. I just observe a persons intention. A person is there motivation. If a person wanted to get ahead in life for them your with someone who is self oriented. If a person wants to be an artist and has never cared to paint or create a beautiful image then your with a narcisisstic fool. If a person doesn't care about money and all is they want to do is create something beautiful then you are with a true person who is only an artist because they truly belong to the piece of art you live in. They will connect with you they will feel the hungers of your soul as if it was there. So whoever of you is this artist type please choose a true person to be with not someone who will suck your life force. Self people that lack a conscience to have what they want without regards to other peoples feelings are not the kind of persons you want to be with.

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Some jewish gentile once asked me: What do you think about the Palestinian Isreali conflict? I said: I think nothing of it!

The truth is my blood was boiling inside about it. How could I think of whats going on there?!! What is he trying to get to? What is being done there is appalling. Imagine if someone kicked you out of your own land, threw you out of your own home, shot your family who resisted. Men, women, boys and children included. Then once they settled in all the upper terroritories, They put you in projects and confined you to peices of area lands to stick to. Then controlled your water supply after polluting it. Don't even allow you to leave the area out of your refugee camp that they confined you in without permits that really dont exist because there not given to you. Imagine you or your children couldnt get an educationg or a job in your own country to feed your own children or family. How would you like it?. The Palestinains were like the avatar people. Farmers that didnt need to be governed they lived in peace. They were a philosophical and civilized culture of farmers who lived of there land and were free. Until the U.N thought It would be politically correct to throw a bunch of war victums who ended up being true criminals who destroyed a sacret place and turned it into an imperialist propoganda filled force called Isreal in the heart of the middle east.

Here is a reference of whats going on there:

U.S. Military Aid and the Israel/Palestine Conflict

The U.S. provides Israel $8.5 million* in military aid each day,
while it gives the Palestinians $0** in military aid.

Amount of Military Aid Per Day in Dollars

Palestinians
0

Israel
2,500,000
5,000,000
7,500,000
10,000,000

"Since the October War in 1973, Washington has provided Israel with a level of support dwarfing the amounts provided to any other state. It has been the largest annual recipient of direct U.S. economic and military assistance since 1976 and the largest total recipient since World War ll. Total direct U.S. aid to Israel amounts to well over $140 billion in 2003 dollars. Israel receives about $3 billion in direct foreign assistance each year, which is roughly one-fifth of America's entire foreign aid budget. In per capita terms, the United States gives each Israeli a direct subsidy worth about $500 per year. This largesse is especially striking when one realizes that Israel is now a wealthy industrial state with a per capita income roughly equal to South Korea or Spain."
- John J. Mearsheimer and Stephen M. Walt
"The Israel Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy"

If I can summarize whats being done in Palestine and Isreal. It's basically what america did to the peaceful native americans or what Hitler did to the poor jewish people on a stealthy level. but in this case its just a slower malignant way of destroying a culture of people we can learn so much from. Palestinians had free people that were not governed yet lived with grace and culture like the native americans. Now because of our ignorance these people are dying of disease and depression at young ages still due to the after math of war for the desire of "Modern" politics. There is nothing modern about it! I'll believe something is modern when no one gets hurt from the outcome of political agenda's. -M

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I really dislike when people tell me to be realistic like I'm some, some delusional mutant. My reality is what I make it. -M Aug, 4, 2013

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You can't give me what you don't have because you can't get what you don't give. -M

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Almost everybody knows how to read now but still they don't really seem to read the seemingly and utilize that skill. Why dont you read?

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I don't have friends because I love everyone. And I think they love me back. Hows that for high expectations? -M

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I am writing this in my storage room, this room was actually supposed to be a massage room in a barbershop. It doesn't have any windows it was difficult for the owner to rent the space out to a massage therapist. so he let me live here inexpensively. It was all I can afford at the time I just moved to the city of lost angels and am currently jobless. I hear helicopters above me in the city. I have lost my home even though I never really had one. I always felt homeless anyways. -M

Living is a prayer. -M

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I don't want to change the world, I want to be the worlds best friend, I want to be the worlds best girl. -M

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Not to sound heavy handed or sound like Im some philogynist because Im not a feminist but can you imagine how many less innocent lives and starving children we would have if the world was run by more woman instead of all men? I am not talking about the Oprah show or Hilary Clinton for President. I wouldn't suggest voting for Hilary. I am talking about 90 percent if not more of the politicians and the house of representatives being all men. There needs to be an even ratio of woman in politics. Its only just and fair to allow woman in politics to have atleast 40 percent of the chairs that are almost occupied completely by men when woman represent more then a 50 percent portion of the human population In America and out. but woman barely have 20 percent of the say?. When they are the reason why we all exist in the first place? Does that even seem Just? let alone intelligent to anyone? That woman don't even represent a quarter of the world even though they gave birth to the whole world? And they don't have half a say in the politics that run the world we all live in?. -M

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If someone cared enough to speak to the president Obama about this he wouldn't allow it in the right mind. But I dont think he has a right mind anymore, he started with it though. Money seems to buy everyone these days because they dont have anything else.

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It should be called "The just woman suffrage" petition or something like that. Name undecided... watch me start it. If more woman were involved in the process of the power hungry system. Okay Okay, maybe not all woman but its fair to say most woman have an innate protective compassion within them, this is why we are designed to bare children and are the first protectors of our child. Why a woman was designed to carry the child was no accident. I am resolute in this understanding. Look at the amazing women of our times!? That lived in circumstances that allowed them to thrive. Look at the good they have done. If you truly ever heard or listened to the message they speak in instead of the words they speak of, you will bow at there feet and say I am not worthy. -Maha© 1:47am

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Me and my family have a mystical and mysterious connnection, heaven knows we learned to learn without affection. -M (from my book) Chapter: The avatars of Jerusalem.

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It is said there are more stars in space then there are people. Imagine your soul a book. Every ledger into a story and every story turned into a star. Your a star baby. A shooting star by far. Was your life worth writing about? -M

-There are too many things I don't think about in too many ways. -M

This abyss, this limitless black void that made us all into existence. I wonder if God chose a body to exist in forever. Would it be black like space? Ever Mysterous Untouched, Unbound Phenomena. -M

I am ever bewildered more then I will ever be bewildering. -M

I want to be something for little girls, the billions of little girls hidden and afraid.

We are some artists that conjure fantasy worlds to help us cope with our realities.-M

-Nothing possible is impossible. -M

Doubts are false impediments. -M

Apsahra. She was full of hope. An example of all human potential. -M
,from a book I am writing.

It seem's its always those short lived romances you remember the most, if only I let him look into my eyes from dusk till dawn, kissed him when he wanted to kiss me. But I was afraid to let him win me. -M

Mother taught me how to love by simply observing her in her selfless acts. My fairy grandmother told my ears she knew I loved her. My father touched my mind and said: There is always reason... for all the chaos of each season. -M, from a book I am writing.

Maybe this is the only way for me, if only I cared to read what I write instead of proof read what I did. -M

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She sang: The air is king! The air is king! ... how else can it fly within my wings? June 22th 2013 -M

He might have been a sociopath but he was a gentle kisser she thought to herself. He was gentle as he placed his lips upon her's. Not imposing, not exposing. but gently he caressed and took his time, he moved with the motion that he felt was mine. -M

There was a time when men were kind, there voices were soft and there words inviting.
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid. -Les Miserable

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"I will fly you to the moon and back if you'll be, if you'll be my
Baby.
I've got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby?" -D. Jones, D. Hayes.

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"The woman came from a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved."
-Author Unknown.

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A piece of a poem I wrote;

Have you seen me in the ocean?
I am small, frail in the vast sea's I lead.
Yet they have given me an aggressive name, but you can hold me naked in your bare hands, or you can break me like a diamond.
I am a sea dragon and the rhythm flows through me, I am a winged dragon and this life flows through me.
I am a mother of all dragons and this rhythem flows through me.
As I andulate through the waters that washes face and time perpetually, ceaselessly covering,
but never erasing the past.
I am the oldest spirit that has ever lived

The oceans to the seas, the horse latitudes that give dancing to betulaceous tree's. This rhythm runs through me.

And human as I see you I AM,
I promise to let you walk into me,
this heart that beats like a drum,
that ticks and tocks before I be gone. -Maha

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I feel like I am a dark haired Alice, lost in Wonderland.

Then I feel like little red riding hood being chased by a wolf. -M

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I want to be hope, I want to be ultimately useful. It was fear I saw on the news. A day I said to myself: why can't I join the UN or Seeds of peace or any Peace force to help? And would I really make any difference if I did? and how could I? Yet if I couldn't be apart of the light force then I'll be apart of the resistance. Sometimes it feels I walk amonge the dead passing. This feeling that I am alone. That I am nothing but a vulnerable woman in the world, people have always attached my value by race, by shape form or by size. If you have been born a woman you have ever been transgresssed from the begining of time. By spirit, By man, by child, by pain. By your lover that you gave your body as home. In some way shape or form there was no woman no girl that has not been broken into.

It no longer mattered that I was human my mother belongs mostly to animals. And these lines were just lined we drew on a map. Columbus? I was no longer able to watch the news the day I saw a female cut into pieces... But out of fear I pretended I had a pulsing bow and arrow as I gestured my arms into the sky to let go of those flying arrows, those dragons of all my fears. Suddenly somehow with one arrow I shot all the bad men down like the cons they are. I ran to the mountain tops carrying and leading as many children and sensitive souls I can manage and yelled!!! Apsahra! Artemis!!! Come down in your moonships and take us away!!!
Syria. The war in Damascus -M

Does anyone know when there on Iphones or Mac's that Steve jobs half Syrian?.

-"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. -Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1846)

America is a nation found under the desire of enlightenment, let's not forget that. -M

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Journal Entry -M

My friend Racheal asked me what I thought about a personal delimma, she asked me what should I do? I said: I dont know! All at once I remember thinking what an honest dishonest answer. All in that moment I thought I didnt know, even though my spirit did know. but my lips followed my thought not my soul. And so life goes.

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“Man differs more from man than man from beast” .
“Nothing suits worse with vice than want of sense”.
-John Wilmot

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These links are for anyone interested in learning instead of point a finger. <Copy Paste links to view videos>

Lesly Hazelton.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lesley_hazleton_the_doubt_essential_to_faith.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/lesley_hazelton_on_reading_the_koran.html

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There is no such thing as finding the source of all bad and good by framing a religion or sect as the primary reason of chao's and terrorism, thats politic's and propaganda brain washing the masses to fight rich men's wars. People need to stop trying to understand the world through the news. Politics is just a machine that doesnt apply to nature or people. We also need to realise that as a human race there are good and bad beings and the only difference between the two is a choice. Can you imagine a world without challenges? I can imagine a world without war. but I don't think Id prefer things to be completely set out to be easy for us all around were not spiritually developed enough for that. Some people if not all people need to be taught problem solving skills not by real numbers, but with real human experiences. -Dec 18, 2008 -M

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Why does it seem we are so focused on finding our differences instead of realising our similarities? The rest of the search will surface, fizzle to the top... I dont see a difference between me and a criminal, a peasent, a president, a millionaire. I don't see but different choices and features. -M

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Whoever taught us all that bullshit about needing to love yourself to love others? What asshole moron! brain washed stupid americans into believeing this Bullshit!? I never loved myself until I loved another...

Can not people even realise how selfish that even sounds? To love yourself first? why? who the hell are you? and what makes your life more important then the person that feels just like you do? I should tell my sister that since shes so convienced that she needs to love herself before others. June 4, 2008 -M

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When will we start teaching kids in school, how to love? In the many healthy positive ways to do so. And how would that world be?... A sight for sore eyes if you asked me. I think of a place like in the movie Serenity. Im such a sci-fiction whore. June 9, 2008 -M

OMG! I found a perfect video that speaks of what I was tryin to say here. Its a youtube video I came across by a intelligent woman named Ruth Simmons speaking for Brown University.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyq1NUkajbk

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“How blest was the created state
Of man and woman, ere they fell,
Compared to our unhappy fate:
We need not fear another hell.”
― John Wilmot

I know everyone because I know myself and everyone is free'er then a millionaire. -M

Ask Questions. Alot of questions. -M

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A Journal entry

I wonder if anyone remembers colour from Art class...

Does anyone know that the colour brown comes from reds, blues and yellows. It's the only colour where you have to mix all the 3 primary colours to get. And depending on the hue or saturation you have to mix more then just 3 but you have to mix 4. So you need atleast 3 to 4 colours to get brown. All the other colours you see are only 1 to 2 colours mixed together. This might not be interesting to you but it is to me because it means the colours we find common have more value's

Just an interesting matter of fact for those that think they are boring with there brown/black or dark eyes. So the next time you look into your lover's eyes and there brown. When your sight be taken by green's and blue's, know that there in lays the rainbow of all colours hidden behind the mystery of your dark ones my love...

Also this whole colourful universe is made by a black orbit abyss, how about that? Black is not the absence of light but rather the creature of all light and colours that exist in or world its the 5th element that holds us all up together in place. Maybe our universe and were all like a black pearl in the pupil in the iris of God's imaginative vision and thoughts. If there is a God that is, but there has to be, maybe not for me. but for the people that believe there is Im sure there is... I feel it around them at times, Its an Alien like protective embrace an imaginary yet beautifully complex energy field or it could be a shell. -M

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THE OCCUPY MOVEMENT

I am moved and so proud to see young students wanting to make a change, take a stand, and take control. We are living in a world which politics is in dire need of reform and heart. The people are the goverment and its warriors like these young people who evoke thought in hopes of making this world a better place.

Love,
Maha

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Any people willing to trade liberty for security deserve neither.
-Ben Franklin

"To weird to live but to rare to die...
-Hunter S Thomas, Fear and loathing in Las Vegas.

"A jury consists of 12 people chosen to decide who has a better lawyer."
- Robert Frost

"Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results."
― Margaret Atwood, Surfacing

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It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?
You, It's you and me.

And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places.

-Kate Bush, Running up that hill

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not sayin'
not charmed at all
not sayin'
that you weren't worth
the fall
but I was alone when
I knew it was real
down the canyon ...

Had a northern lad
Well not exactly had
He moved like the sunset
God who painted that
First he loved my accent
How his knees could bend
I thought we'd be ok
Me and my molasses
-Northern Lad , Tori Amos

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Its kind/nice to hear someone say good things to you when your feeling dubious. But even though I am, loosing faith in myself is not an option. No one really believed in me, so I need to believe in myself! -M

I think the best thing I've ever asked God for, is that I would be every persons best friend if not friend.

I can't help but feel some people in my life want to hold me back or maybe that's my ego talking occult or maybe I trust no one. But are you my friends if you make me doubt me? I would never discourage a friend from believing in themselves... I'd push them off the legde if it meant It would make them fly. but I Love you sweet pee. Will you remember me? -M

2005 Journal Entries
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The world seems to be my shrink and the universe is pointing a pretty finger my way that says I am more then prowess and qualified. but I feel I think to much. Im used to doing everything alone thats not to say I like it. Its just that I am often alone. Independence does not bother me.

I don't have friends or if I do I rarely see it... I want to know what im doing! I want a persons eyes to tell me. An unflawed confirmation from the spirit. People forget eye contact because they think sex is away to connect, sex is not the ultimate way to connect, but its definitely the way to glom. -M

 

Journal Entry 1999-2002

The past cannot be cured. -Queen Elizabeth I

The impossible is way more interesting. -M

Impossible dreams by Joe Darion, the song is stuck in my head, Hammam inspires me much, I am so greatful that he's teaching me to dance more in his spare time, I wish my parents paid more attention to me and my siblings. He's like the father/teacher I never had. It is almost as if he see's something in me that I do not. -M

 

Journal Entry

I wish I can be more honest, I wish I can take things back and make up for what I lacked. I've been told when I open my mouth I sound stupid. but then again I was stupid to ever believe that daft spoiled rich boy when all he wanted was to get under my skirt. Why do I long to understand the simplest of men? Am I falling in love with the ones who leave me?... I wish I was a mute. Then everything said would be a gem. I want hope for water and colours to come out of my mouth when I speak and an emerald blue purple light to come out of my eyes when I gaze at your bare soul, so I can reflect you back at you.

My imaginary world has done me well ever since I was a child, doctors say its an escape from what is considered painful surroundings. Maybe there right? I dont remember being a normal child, I always felt out of place and odd, and oddly pain was a perpitual reoccuring event in my upbringing. I cried over the strangest things. At the age of 6 I remember running into the closet once to cry calling myself stupid! My beautiful mother is probably the most Divine soul Ive ever come across and my grandmothers have been a source of joy. Although I dont know much about my grandfathers but I remember they were giant elves.

I am sorry Mama for the pain youve been dealt as a woman. Im sorry to the woman that dreamt larger then her circumstance could give her. I feel sorry for all of us that seem to have been born victims of all kinds. I've never felt more like an orphane then a true orphane because even though I had parents I hadn't them at all really. Wish I had enough love to erase the pain Mama. But instead I will dig deeper and deeper because maybe if I burrow deep enough I will reach the other side.

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At school I just wanted to be pretty... I was given everything but that. Im not complaining, I did best with what I had. but I still missed out on slapping the faces that spit on me and that punk Nora for beating on me. -M

Silence, exile, cunning and so on -Don DeLillo

Journal entries.

I wish I had thick rhino skin. Who could bother me then? -M

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You are not alone...I am alone with you. -M

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Article written about Maha

What does Maha mean? (Urban Dictionary reference 2012)

MAHA:
Divine, beautiful, kind, great fashion sense, and in love with all the wrong guys. Keeps her relationships private. Arabic for full moon and also mean's beautiful eyes or deer eyes or has large eyes. Loyal to her friends and true at heart. Serious and mature when first met, hyper and life of party. Referred to someone with a strong spirit. Known to have a powerful connection with the supernatural and nature. Can be weird but lovable. Makes plenty of mistakes even though careful. Forgives easily and can't hold grudges. A Maha usually has a kind heart and a smile that lights up the world, but if you piss one off, she will kill you. Has uncanny love of music. Brave and bold, it takes a lot if anything to bring her down. A Maha is smart but has her blonde moments. Means young deer in Persian, and full/ cresent moon in Latin "look there is a Maha in the sky tonight."
"Her eyes are so Maha." "She's so brave, definitely a Maha."
In India it means something Divine or Supreme Being, a sort of fifth element Lilu of middle earth. As they refer to the Maha Ghandi they place the word Maha before Ghandi to say the supreme being or Great Ghandi. Sheba in Yemen they refer to her as Maha for Queen/Angel of the moon or night. Lets just say she is a naughty bad girl usually without any tattoo's to prove it because she's larger then life and doesn't care if you like her or not.

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